Seven keys to happiness

This article summarizes much of what I’ve learned thus far on my journey to self-discovery and positive growth. Along the way, through many of life’s ups and downs, with the help of many awesome teachers and mentors, I now most often live in a state of happiness and contentment. I still have lots to learn but I wanted to share with you what I’ve found most helpful thus far. I truly believe that all people have the capacity to choose their mental attitude. Therefore, if happiness is what you desire, then you must choose it. Here are some helpful ideas to help you do just that. 1. Self-Worth Self-worth—without it, happiness will always be just beyond your grasp. Self-worth is, of course, something that can be measured along a continuum. It isn’t like you either have it or you don’t. You can possess varying degrees and those degrees can themselves vary depending on the circumstances of your life. Generally, the person who is happiest has a healthy amount of self-worth without an inflated view of their own self-importance. This is the fine line that must be walked between confidence and arrogance. Confidence implies a certain sense of surety while recognizing that each of us is just a different cog in a very big wheel. No one person is any more important than anyone else. Those with high self-worth know their life’s purpose. They are in tune with what their mission is and proceed to make it their life’s work. They also recognize the value of everyone else with whom they share space. Those who are arrogant recognize their own self-worth but then proceed to look down upon those they deem as unworthy. Then at the other end of the continuum, there are those who recognize the importance of others but don’t believe they are worthy to breathe air. A healthy balance of self-worth is the key. 2. Gratitude The second key to happiness is gratitude. It is human nature to enumerate the things that are NOT the way we want them to be. We are programmed to notice when things are off, and not necessarily appreciate when all is as we want it. This makes maintaining an attitude of gratitude a challenge but nonetheless something we should strive for. I have mentioned before that Universal Law tells us that we attract those things we think about most often. When we are grateful for what we have, more is bestowed upon us. I know someone who believes, “No good deed goes unpunished” and lives his life accordingly. Another person I know always says, “I have the worst luck. Nothing good ever happens to me.” And you know what? They are right! The Universe delivers to them exactly what they expect. There are others who have similar bad luck but who persevere or find the lesson in the situation. These people find more happiness and contentment in return. Another point about gratitude is to be thankful for what you have. I love the line in the song that says, “It’s not having what you want; it’s about wanting what you got!” There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do better than you are as long as you are grateful along the way. Even when things are bad, there is always good to be found in it. Life is in perfect balance and order. Anything with a great deal of pain associated with it also has a tremendous positive side if we are of the mind to see it. 3. Positive Life Framing The third key to happiness is positive life framing. There are three ways to view any piece of information—positively, negatively or neutrally. Viewing information as neutral is the best way to go through life. It allows us to accept everything as it comes and to stop resisting what actually is in any given moment. However, many of us have great difficulty with that one. As an incremental step, it is helpful to find a way to reframe life’s negative events into positive ones. Even in life’s tragedies, there is a way to find something positive about the situation. Almost always, in hindsight, we can see the benefit. The real benefit comes when we are able to see the benefit as the tragedy unfolds, or at least stay open to the thought that there is a benefit even if you are unable to see it in that moment. Just as in physics where there can be no neutron without a proton, so it is with life where there can be no negative event without a corresponding positive one. 4. Internal Locus of Control The fourth key to happiness is possessing an internal locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their own behavior and its results based on their own personal decisions and efforts. This is contrasted with those who have an external locus of control. These individuals believe that their behavior is determined by external circumstances such as other people, fate, luck or circumstances beyond their control. Having an internal locus of control produces a “can do” attitude. An external locus of control generally results in a helpless attitude. Even though people with an internal locus of control still have situations that occur that are beyond their control, they will seek some action that can be taken by them to improve the situation. They do not spend time bemoaning the fact that something bad happened to them. They look for decisive action opportunities to turn things around. In this way, a person is more in charge of their own destiny. They can reject the role of victim and take definitive action to create greater life satisfaction. 5. Lifelong Learning The fifth key to happiness is to adopt an attitude of lifelong learning. Your goal each day should be to learn something new. As you encounter new people and situations, look for the wisdom that can be extracted from them. Particularly in areas where we believe we made a “mistake”, seek to uncover the lesson. There is always a lesson to be learned. When we believe we know all there is to know, that is when we are in dangerous territory. When we think we know all, then we stop learning from the people and situations in our path. When we stop looking for the lessons, we begin to blame things external to ourselves for the pain we experience instead of seeking to learn whatever we need to know for our life’s journey. 6. Love Love is the sixth key to happiness. I am not talking about having a significant other in your life who loves you. I’m talking about having love inside of you that is just bursting out of you to touch others. Unconditional love is a concept we all strive for—unfortunately, most of us are looking to receive it rather than give it. You are truly fortunate and blessed when you have the unconditional love of someone—whether it’s your life partner, your mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, foster parent, friend or puppy! Truly unconditional love is rare and a gift to be cherished. However, ask yourself the question, how many times have you extended unconditional love? Do you have unconditional love for your fellow human beings? This is the kind of love that will lead to happiness. It doesn’t matter if that special someone doesn’t love you back, it’s what’s in YOUR heart that matters. Are you someone who only loves as much as you feel you are being loved in returned? That certainly isn’t unconditional! If you are seeking love in your life, then you must be loving in order to attract the love you seek. This will lead to the ultimate happiness—loving, expecting nothing in return. Try it. 7. Contribution The last key to happiness is contribution. This is a combination of knowing and following one’s life purpose. When people understand their divine purpose in this life and then go about fulfilling that purpose, they are making an awesome contribution to the good of mankind. Having meaningful work and leaving a legacy is an important key to happiness. When we do the work we were meant to do, we touch lives. It doesn’t matter whether one’s purpose is to clean the public restrooms or to find the cure for AIDS, following your divine purpose will bring about a strong life fulfillment that cannot be experienced any other way. Contribution is critical to happiness. Implementing these seven keys to happiness in one’s life is not an easy task. Personal coaching can be helpful as you are attempting to change some old, harmful habits into more productive, happiness-inducing ones. Jack Canfield says, “Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their trip down the path to success, participating in some kind of coaching program is at the top of the list. A coach will help you clarify your vision and goals, support you through your fears, keep you focused, confront your unconscious behaviors and old patterns, expect you to do your best, help you live by your values, show you how to earn more while working less, and keep you focused on your core genius.” Why not give it a try?

Self improvement ideas the search for inner peace

I have no doubt that there are many people out there who are searching for ways of improving their overall quality of life. We have no divine right to be happy of course but on the other hand we should not just sit back and accept second best. I am the type of person who basically just wants to be happy, I have no desire to become mega rich, but what I am looking for, and at the moment have achieved, is an inner peace. When looking into ways and ideas of improving my life, I ask myself a series of questions: What areas of my life am I not happy with? What can I do to improve my life? Am I happy with my current role of employment? Am I happy with my current financial situation? Am I happy in the relationship that I have with my girlfriend? How could my life become easier and more stress-free? These are just a few of many questions that I ask myself and I have listed them purely as an example. In the past, I would always become quite stressed at around the start of the year. This was because I have a son who has a birthday in November, then of course in December is the celebration of Christmas. These two events would leave me with a bit of a financial headache as I have to admit that I tend to spoil my family and go a bit overboard on the spending. I did not want to reduce the amount that I spent on their presents or on the social aspect of Christmas or my sons birthday and instead started to look for a solution to this financial stress which as previously stated would occur in January. What I eventually decided that I would do, which now seems just like common sense, was to save as much as I could every month. I would have a certain figure in mind that I wanted to save, as I was aware that I needed to live and have some fun throughout the year as well. By the time November came around on the next year, I had rather a nice amount of money in the bank, which basically made both events even more enjoyable than previous years. This was because I had an inner peace of mind. When January came around I was fine as I had no debts or financial worries. This form of saving is something that I now do every year. With each and every question I ask myself, I always attempt to find a solution similar to the way I did in the above example. If my girlfriend is annoying me for whatever reason I try and talk to her. I tell her what the issues are and also ask if there is anything that I am doing that annoys her. This is done in a very light hearted manner, so as to not cause more damage etc. I have now reached a stage of my life where I am quite content with what I have. I am able to sleep soundly at night and am very much looking forward to the future. I have achieved an inner peace and now just have to work hard to make it stay that way. Life at times is a battle and the negative part of my brain tries hard to ruin me. I am determined to stay strong and focused to ensure that I ignore this negative voice and that I continue to listen to the positive side of my brain. If you are one of these people who are not happy or content with your life at the moment, I am sure that by asking yourself a series of questions and then trying to find your own solutions, that you will also be able to find your own inner peace.

Life is a gift open and enjoy it

There is a bottle of perfume sitting on my dresser that I was given when I was ten years old! As you can tell I have pack rat tendencies! For me that pattern started as a young child. I could never bear to throw things away. There was more to it than not wanting to throw things away. I loved the feeling I had when I would receive something new, and would not want to spoil it by using it unless it was for something special. I would want to save it for a special occasion. A new dress would sit in the closet, until a special event to wear it. Perfume would sit on my dresser, not to be used for everyday, but for a special ‘something’. This was a pattern in my life for many years. Recently though I’ve realized that this is not the best perspective to live life. I don’t want to be like that woman on the Titanic, who when was being lowered into the lifeboat said…”If I’d known this was going to happen I would have had that Chocolate Mousse dessert.” This reflects a view of life that speaks a lie. It is a false belief that if I enjoy something now, I won’t be able to look forward to anything good like that in the future. This belief steals the joy from living in the present, and also lies to me about what the future might hold. Often it takes sad or traumatic situation to cause a person to stop and take stock their life’s perspective and lifestyle. For example, let me tell you how it happened for Ruth. One day, out of the blue, Ruth got one of those devastating ‘phone calls’ that we all dread receiving. Her sister Jane had passed away unexpectedly. Ruth went over to the home to help her brother in law with the sad task of preparation for the funeral. They were in the bedroom deciding on clothes Jane would wear as she was laid to rest. He pulled out of the drawer some beautiful lingerie wrapped in tissue. Ruth gasped as she saw the astronomical cost on the price tag. “Jane bought this in Paris 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. I guess this is it.” he said. It was exquisitely, handmade in silk, with a delicate cobweb of lace. As he slammed the drawer shut he said something that changed Ruth’s life for ever. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion! After the funeral, Ruth began to evaluate her life from a different perspective. She began to see life as something to be enjoyed not endured. Ruth started to make changes, although small at first, for Ruth they had great significance. She sat in the garden more and didn’t worry about the weeds. She wore expensive perfume on ordinary days, after all co workers and cashiers have noses that function just as well as party goers! She lit that candle that had been sitting as a centre piece on the dining room table collecting dust. She got that cracked window fixed, that she’d been meaning to do for years. She invited those friends round for dinner that she’d seen at the last sixteen weddings, and said we must get together. Ruth determined that she would live each day as if it was her last. Now every morning when Ruth opens her eyes, she tells herself that this day is special. Every day, every breath, every minute of her life is truly a gift from God. Your life perspective changes when you start living each day as if it was your last. You start to look at all the things that you want to accomplish in life and actually get started!! You stop watching everyone else doing it. Have the courage to start thinking “It’s my turn now” and do what is in your heart. Grandma Moses began a painting career at age seventy six. Golda Meir was elected Prime Minister of Israel in 1969 at age seventy one. I recently met a lady in her eighties who, in the last two years, had been white-water rafting, and hiking in the Himalayas. She was excitedly planning her next trip! Don’t wait years, or until something traumatic happens to get your attention. Start now to reflect on your life’s perspective and begin living without regrets. I love this quote by Peter Sage, speaker and entrepreneur : Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "Wow - What a Ride!"